Sometimes the Swine Wear PearlsEpisode 9
THE ADVENTURES OF INEEDA WILLINGBOTTOM
By Jak Klinikowski
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The Friday midnight drag extravaganza at the Cha Cha Palace was over and the performers were back-stage packing-up. Veronica Va Voom, ever the show-off, was displaying a double strand of white pearls to the gathering of queens. Ineeda, sitting in front of the large mirror powdering down her stage make-up, was not impressed.
“Your sugar-daddy, you mean you’ve kept one of your johns long enough to call him a sugar-daddy?” asked Ineeda, batting her eyelashes at Veronica.
Veronica turned to face Ineeda, her dragon-lady fingers planted firmly on her hips. The other entertainers assembled in the dressing-room backed away, giving the two divas all the space they needed for a good old-fashioned catty confrontation. It looked like some unscheduled fireworks were about to go off.
“I’ll have you know, Ineeda,” said Veronica, “since I met Lester I’ve given up the escort business.”
“Escort business. Is that what you street hookers are calling it now?”
“Whatever, Ineeda, I’m no longer plying the trade, and I’ll thank you not to refer to Lester as one of my johns.”
At six-foot-seven without her stiletto heels on, Veronica was one formidable tranny, but she knew better than to push her luck where Ineeda was concerned. She decided to try a different approach.
“I really don’t want to fight with you Ineeda. I know you still hold me responsible for that little fiasco with Ronnie, but it’s a new year. I wish you’d just let bygones be bygones.”
“I let you back in the cast didn’t I?” said Ineeda. “No one can say I hold a grudge.”
Of course, Ineeda did hold a grudge, but she’d be damned if she’d allow anyone to accuse her of it. Even though she had a huge soft spot for any guy who felt the need to live his life as a woman, she still hadn’t been able to forgive Veronica for interfering in her relationship with her cowboy. Veronica knew perfectly well the kind of trouble she’d be causing between Terry and Ineeda by sending her ex-boyfriend Ronnie to that rehearsal a few months back, and even though Ineeda had allowed Veronica to perform in the shows again, she wasn’t quite ready to be nice to her yet.
“I’m sorry my teasing hurt your feelings, Veronica,” said Ineeda. “I’m sure this Lester person is very special to you, so I’ll try to remember he’s not just another run of the mill trick.”
Ineeda was actually still insulting the silicone-boobed Amazon, but Veronica took it as an apology all the same.
“I appreciate that, Ineeda.”
“Good,” said Ineeda, “now get over here and let me take a look at that necklace you’re so proud of.”
Veronica walked over and bent down to give Ineeda a better view of her newly acquired pearls.
“Lovely Veronica, simply lovely,” said Ineeda. “You know those Mikimoto people are really something. Why they almost look real.”
“They’re real,” protested Veronica.
“Well not quite,” said Ineeda. “They’re more like the cubic zirconiums of the pearl world aren’t they?”
“They come from an oyster,” insisted Veronica.
“Yes, I suppose they do dear, but still, they’re man-made. CZs are real diamonds too they’re simply pressed out of a machine. Terry had a perfectly dazzling matched set of natural south sea black pearls waiting for me under the tree Christmas morning. I’m planning on wearing them to Billy’s party for Terry and me tomorrow night. You’ll see them then. Oh that’s right, you won’t be there. You weren’t invited.”
Veronica straightened up quickly to her full height, but her eyes stared directly at the floor. She couldn’t look at anyone because they’d all received invitations, and she hadn’t.
“That’s right I wasn’t invited,” said Veronica. “Well, if you’ll excuse me.”
With that, Veronica turned on her heels and walked out the dressing room door, passing Terry who’d been standing there listening to the entire exchange.
“You know Ineeda,” said Terry, “I think it’s time you cut Veronica a little bit of slack.”
“Why whatever do you mean?”
“Oh, you know perfectly well what I mean.”
Ineeda shot poison tipped darts with her gaze in every direction around the small room, and within seconds she and Terry were the only two people remaining.
“Yes, I know what you mean,” yell-whispered Ineeda. “And, I know you’re right, it’s just I can’t help remembering the trouble she caused. Why I could have lost you.”
“But you didn’t,” said Terry. “Ineeda, if it hadn’t been for Veronica I might never have found out how you really felt about me. Sure, she was trying to cause trouble, but look at the result of her efforts. We’re getting married. Our wedding shower is tomorrow and on Valentine’s Day we’ll be hitched. I think we can afford to spread a little of our happiness around. What’s say you wipe the old slate clean where Veronica is concerned and give her another chance?”
“Okay Terry,” said Ineeda, “but this is her last one. In my heart, I really am fond of the bitch even though she’s constantly trying to one up me or stab me in the back with my boss, Wilbur Saladbar. I suppose show-business can do that to a queen, especially one as hungry for success as Veronica. She’s forgiven”
Ineeda was only wearing her painted face and a pair of worn-out track shorts. Terry stood behind her chair and looked at Ineeda through the long mirror, passion in his eyes. He leaned over and hugged Ineeda, kissing her tenderly on the neck.
“Mmmm,” said Terry, “I love holding you right after a show when you’ve got your pads and tits off. You’re all sweaty and masculine like when we’re in bed.”
Ineeda pulled out of Terry’s hug and swung around in her chair so she could look directly at him.
“Terry, are you sure you want to marry a full time drag queen? I love you more than myself, and that’s a lot, so I want you to be happy. Maybe you’d be better off with a guy who’s a guy all the time and not just in the intimacy of the boudoir”
“Now don’t be silly darlin',” said Terry. “I want to marry you baby, you and nobody but you. I wouldn’t care if you dressed like a priest and wore Mickey Mouse ears. I fell in love with you, Ineeda, just the way you are. I only meant that when it’s time for us to get sexy, you’re all the man I want or need.”
“You’re sure?”
“Absolutely positive,” said Terry.
“I guess it’s silly,” said Ineeda, “but sometimes I worry you’re gonna wake up and decide you’ve made a terrible mistake. You wouldn’t be the first guy in my life to do that.”
“Ineeda.” said Terry, “I’m sorry for the pain most of your past relationships have caused you, but I’m not like any of those other guys, and you want to know why?”
Ineeda nodded her head.
“It’s because, I’m in love with both Ineeda Willingbottom and Jake Winkowski, and everybody else inside that pretty little head of yours. I may not be the first guy in your life, Ineeda, but I’m darn well gonna be the last. I love all-of-you with all my heart, and I’m never gonna let you go.”
Ineeda started to kiss her cowboy, but she stopped when the dressing-room door opened and Veronica stuck her head in.
“Would it be okay if I interrupted you guys and got the rest of my stuff?” asked Veronica. “Lester’s ready to go home and I didn’t want to leave my make-up behind.”
“Don’t be silly Veronica,” said Ineeda. “Come on in and get your stuff.”
Veronica walked hesitantly past Ineeda to the far corner of the room and picked up her make-up case, a wig head, and three clothing bags.
“You need a hand, Veronica?” asked Terry. “I’d be happy to help you take that to the car.”
“That’s okay,” said Veronica. “I think I can manage.”
“Now Veronica,” said Ineeda, “you let Terry help you with that. We don’t want you to hurt yourself on the way out. We want you at your best for tomorrow night.”
“I beg your pardon,” said Veronica.
“Well, said Ineeda, “I was thinking about what you said earlier about it being a new year and all. I think you’re right about that bygones business, and I’m dying to meet this Lester of yours anyway. Why don’t the two of you come to our little wedding shower at Billy’s house? I know you’ve been there before so I won’t have to give you directions.”
“Do you mean it Ineeda?” asked Veronica.
“Certainly I do.”
“Thank you Ineeda, we’d love to. What time?”
“Billy says eight, but you know me. We’ll probably arrive ten-ish.”
“Ineeda,” growled Terry.
“We’ll be there as early as possible,” said Ineeda.
“Okay Ineeda,” said Veronica. “Lester and I will see y’all there.”
Veronica smiled with gratitude, and exited the room. Terry, carrying all the clothing bags, struggled behind her. As he reached the door he looked over his shoulder to give Ineeda a wink. Ineeda was staring at his big butt.
Terry cleared his throat to get Ineeda’s attention. Ineeda looked up at his adorable face and gave Terry a full-throttle smile.
Yes, she thought. She really had found Mr. Forever at last.