Constellations, Part Two
Andrew Barriger is a serious writer in his
spare time—well, that is he writes seriously, but doesn't take himself
that way, which always makes for fun and
surprising correspondence. His first book Finding Faith is soon
to be followed by Finding
Peace, and he's also writing a science fiction series. Visit
his ever-changing web site. Or email him. He will get
back to you.To recap our previous article, we here at the Fairy Factoid were told our articles needed to contain sex—lots of sex. Since this information came from a high priced marketing firm from New York, we figured they must be on to something.
So, as you, our reading public, may recall, we sent our intrepid band of reporters to the ends of the Earth, which in this case meant Athens, to see what they could cook up. Challenged to bring more sex into the Fairy Factoid, the ever eager Daniel determined a good place to look might be the stars—constellations, specifically. The fact that he was advised to do this by his friend Betty was quickly getting lost like sand in the hourglass…but we digress.
With our regular man in the field, Colin, still under the weather, Daniel took the helm to see what he could unearth. Backed by Matt, the team research assistant, and Deirdre, the team lesbian, he scoured the city for clues.
During the team meeting, Daniel had made the case for two candidates—Orion, the sword carrying hunter, and Gemini, the twins. So, in true leadership fashion, he made the call to divide and conquer. Deirdre was sent after Orion, while Matt went to see what he could learn about the twins.
Deirdre made it back first, her blonde crew cut lightly damp from running while wearing military fatigues in the warm Greek sun. Daniel reminded her that she could use the expense account to hail a cab, but she just gave him a quizzical look and made her presentation.
Orion, it seemed, was a regular Don Juan in the ancient world. According to legend, he had particular liaisons with the battle goddess Anat, and ultimately had designs on Apollo’s sister, Artemis. In one account, it was actually Artemis, tricked by a jealous Apollo, who killed Orion, shooting him in the head with an arrow. Lethario, perhaps, but clearly playing for the straightened arrow…er, straight and narrow, team… Right.
Deirdre, however, was undaunted. She was still eager to get even with Daniel for wrinkling his nose at the idea the only muses may have been lesbians. Her other research, from further back in history, provided that Orion was once known to the Hittites as Aqhat. It was Aqhat who annoyed Anat when he refused to share his bow with her. She sent another man to steal it, but he so bungled the job that he wound up killing Aqhat and dropping his bow into the sea. Deirdre was quick to point out it was possible the Hittites really meant a “bow,” but she didn’t think so.
Though twins, born of the mother Leda, they had different fathers. These Greeks did get around, after all. Castor, the mortal, was the son of Tyndareus, king of Sparta. Pollux, however, was immortal, the son of Zeus. Zeus, it seemed, slipped in to visit Leda on her wedding night, pretending to be a swan.
Matt attempted to draw some allusion with the swan, but Daniel waved him on. Finally—finally—they had brought some much anticipated sex into the Fairy Factoid! And not just allegorical sex either, oh no—right there in the sky was living, floating proof! And, as Daniel was quick to acknowledge, what floats… But again, we digress.
So the boys, ever inseparable, spent their time being mischievous, raiding cattle and abducting young women. During one of their cattle raids, which Matt suspected may also have involved cattle tipping, cousin Idas got ticked and killed Castor. Zeus, in turn, got ticked and killed cousin Idas. At this point, Daniel stopped them to clarify that this happened in Greece and not the backwoods of North America. Matt reminded him that incest and family infighting were common themes in Greek Mythology, citing Oedipus.
Satisfied, Daniel bade him continue and Matt put the icing on the cake. Pollux, it seemed, was so stricken with the death of his frolicking brother that he convinced Zeus to let him follow Castor to hades. As an immortal, he couldn’t die per se, but he could hang out with the dead folks if the head guy said it was okay. Zeus was so impressed by their love for each other that he allowed them to form a time share, alternating their days between Hades and Olympus.
Finally, the reporting team had brought sex to the Fairy Factoid, shown at least one constellation was on the gaydar map, and explained the origin of timeshare condos, which many people considered a pretty gay idea, at least in the junior high school sense of the word. Not a bad two months’ work.
The Fairy Factoid© is extensively researched and painstakingly presented by Andrew Barriger, author of Finding Faith and the upcoming sequel, Finding Peace. Neither the author nor the editor are responsible for any factual errors that may be contained herein, especially the parts that seem too true.
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