| Our
social commentator, Jeffrey Williams, continues on a theme in this
issue... The Recovering Homophobe
by Jeffrey Williams   |
|
“Laws alone can not secure freedom of
expression; in order that every man present his views without penalty
there must be spirit of tolerance in the entire population.”
—Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955)
I met Alexander while window-shopping along Madison Avenue in New York’s East Side in the beginning of September. His appearance beckoned me to try to strike up a conversation with him as he was reading a couple of pamphlets on how to accept homosexuality and rid oneself of bigotry and hatred. That was my cup of tea. Alexander, 23, looked like the average Kenneth Cole model you’d see on every advertisement on Madison Avenue. His skin was flawless and his clothes were noticeably high priced. His fingernails were manicured and his coif was nicely styled. He seemed to have everything going for him; alas, we are taught never to judge a book by its cover. When I first met Alexander, I thought he was just another young teen or twenty-something dealing with his demons and his sexuality. I assumed, wrongly, that he was gay. He was not gay, but a homophobe. When I introduced myself to Alex and explained to him who I was and what my motive for approaching him was, he initially told me that he wasn’t interested in sharing his story with me. After spending several minutes trying to explain that I was not looking to profit from his problems, and that I would keep his identity a secret only using his first name, he agreed to speak with me, but only for a few minutes. In the brief fifteen minutes I had with him, I learned some very interesting things about Alex. He was originally from Scottsdale, Arizona and just recently moved to New York City to pursue a modeling career. His goal was to become a model for some of the big names in fashion, like Tommy Hilfiger or Gucci. Alexander never knew his father because he died just weeks before he was born, in a car accident while visiting his family in Austin Texas. His mother, Julia, was an orthopedist who raised three children on a low salary with a high mortgage, car note, and monthly bills all on her own. Her independence while taking care of Alex and his two older siblings made a lasting impression on him. He tells me, “My mother never wanted a handout from anyone. She was totally independent and strong. She instilled in me the values that I hold true in myself to this very day.” Unfortunately, those values weren’t always right. Alexander’s mother was a homophobe to the largest degree. Alex’s brother Richard once questioned his sexuality when he was a sophomore in high school. When he approached his mother with his problem, she whisked him away to a clinic for “rehabilitation and recovery.” “My mother is not a bad woman and in no way do I want her to be portrayed as such,” Alex declares, “however, she was raised by my grandparents a certain way and she cannot change that. It has been too long and she is too old for a change. All I can do it try to improve myself.” Alex felt really bad when he learned what had happened to his brother. Even though he was only eleven at the time, he knew that what was going on wasn’t exactly the right thing to do; unfortunately, he was not in the position to make that determination or to speak out. When Alex entered his freshman year at Florida State University, he roomed with Dexter, who was openly homosexual. Alex wasn’t upset at the openness of his new roommate, but rather was upset that he had to spend a lot of time with his new gay roommate. In a phone interview a week after meeting, Alex, he explained. “I had no real issues with Dexter other than the fact that he was gay. I had never really been around gay people and I didn’t want to start with him at college. I didn’t want to be around his gay friends, I didn’t want to be in his inner circle, and I certainly wasn’t thrilled about the fact that he had a boyfriend who would be visiting often.” After several months of trying to move to another room, Alex finally got his wish when one became available. He ran into Dexter several times during their freshman year and, much to his surprise, they became friends, but there was still some apprehension for Alex. He was never seen in public with Dexter and rarely called him when his friends were around, unless he needed help with something. After graduation a year ago, Alex began to wonder what kind of friend he might have missed out on because of his own prejudice. He began to wonder about how Dexter was doing and if he was closer to his dream job of becoming a designer. Even though Alex wanted to know what was going on with Dexter, he still had to get over his feelings towards gay people. While reading several newspapers and looking online for an outlet to aid him in his quest for enlightenment, Alex came across an ad for people who were homophobes and wanted to understand and appreciate gays. He thought the he’d give it a shot, so he joined the group. The group, as he explained to me, was similar to an AA meeting in that there were about ten to fifteen people there in a circle with a counselor in the middle. The group would explain their reasons for their hatred of gays, reasons that ranged from the media’s depiction, to what they have been taught while growing up. The day I met Alex, he was attending his seventh meeting and making progress. He was beginning to understand what gay people were and why we have to demand equal protection under the law. Alex wasn’t totally comfortable yet with being seen with gay people or hanging out with them, but this is a process that cannot be rushed. Alex explains: “I knew that I wasn’t going to walk in there on Thursday a homophobe and walk out on Friday a gay advocate. It was a process but I was willing to undertake the task to better my life.” Alex’s approach to the situation was a great one. He went in with a goal and left a little bit closer to acceptance. Though he is a long was from attending the annual gay pride parade, he was well on his way to betterment. Unfortunately, just two weeks after I met him on Madison Avenue, Alex knew just how it felt to be a gay man under attack. While visiting friends in the Bronx, Alex was walking down the street towards the building with the pamphlets he was reading, in his hand, in plain view. It was a sunny and warm day and the streets were filled with people trying to enjoy the last few weeks of summer. When Alex walked into the building on East 182nd Street, he was followed by three thugs. “Hey Faggot,” Alex recalls, “What the fuck are you reading? I see gay shit on that paper. You a gay dude?” Alex refused to answer, ignored the fools, and continued to walk up the stairs to safety. While heading up the stairs to his friends’ house, Alex was yanked by his hair and thrown to the floor. Trying to fight off the men, Alex began to kick and punch as hard and fast as he could, trying to hit a soft spot to get free. The cowards were just too strong and there were too many of them to fight off. While they were beating Alex on the stairway between the third and fourth floors of the seven-story walk up, the men yelled homophobic epithets at him. Every punch and kick was accompanied with the words “fag,” “homo,” “queer,” “pussy” and “rope smuggler,” among others. The beating lasted for a few minutes but seemed like an eternity to Alex. When a tenant who lived in the apartment just above the stairwell where Alex was attacked opened his door, the thugs ran down the stairs. The police were called but because he couldn’t identify the men, nothing ever happened with the case. No one was arrested, and Alex never visited his friends again, especially after what he had gone through, and the fact that his friend never really showed any sympathy to him. All they said was, “You should have known better.” What makes this story so riveting is the fact that even though Alex was a straight man on the receiving end of a gay bashing attack, simply because he was holding a couple of pamphlets on ridding himself of homophobia, it did not deter him from continuing his group sessions. Alex said to me three days after the attack, “I know a lot of people who would quit trying to understand the gay lifestyle and culture if they had gone through what I had gone through, but I know that I cannot let one bad experience dictate the rest of my life and how I deal with people. Besides, if those guys are what I would eventually turn into if I do not change, I’m glad I am willing to make a difference. I now know what it feels like for so many gay people around the world. I understand, maybe not totally, but a little, their pain and hardships. I respect them more now, and who knows, maybe next June you’ll see me on a float at the parade.” |