Jerry
Flack, one of our regular and in-depth reviewers not only reviews Hear
Me Out, but he offers a comprehensive list of ways to get the word out
about this book.How can readers of The Independent Gay Writer help? How can LGBTQ and straight people everywhere provide the recognition this profound book deserves?
Read on. We at IGW hope you agree with Jerry about this book's importance.
You can contact Jerry Flack, here.
Teens Educating and Confronting Homophobia (T.E.A.C.H.)
Hear Me Out: True Stories of Teens Educating and Confronting Homophobia
Toronto, Canada: Second Story Press, 2004.
Distributed in the United States by Orca Books, Custer, WA (2005), www.orcabook.com.
First, some definitions and history for the sake of clarity. Teens Educating and Confronting Homophobia (T.E.A.C.H.) was organized by Toronto, Canada youths in 1993 to battle perhaps the most compelling and forceful forms of hate in modern society, homophobia and transphobia. In 1998, T.E.A.C.H. affiliated with Planned Parenthood of Toronto, in part, to achieve a broader base of support and because both groups have as their primary goal healthy sexuality. As the leader of Planned Parenthood Toronto rightfully asks, “How could we argue for the right of informed decision making when we do not include the right to disclose one’s sexual orientation without fear or bias or judgment?” (p. 4) The goal of T.E.A.C.H. , whose members range from 15 to 23 years of age, is to work in teams and meet with their age peers in the greater Toronto area. Members go to classrooms, school assemblies, and other gatherings of young people and attempt to confront bias, educate other young people, and change negative stereotypes of homosexuals and transsexuals. The world may be changing, but it is not yet to the point where the statement “that’s so gay” uttered in mainstream culture is EVER considered a affirmative declaration.
For huge numbers of both gay and straight teens and young adults the words “gay” and “homosexual” are abstract terms imbued with hatred and disapproval. T.E.A.C.H. volunteers perhaps most importantly put faces with words such as “dyke” and “queer” and the impact is powerful and compelling. In the stories told in Hear Me Out, more than a few of the contributors note that audiences that at first appeared hostile or uninvolved suddenly and dramatically became hushed and highly attentive when they begin to tell their own personal stories of discovering their sexuality, their coming out process, suffering abuse at school, on the street, and even in their own homes, and living lives wherein they experience fear but also the awe-inspiring feelings of finally accepting and loving themselves for the first time.
Storytelling is as old as humanity and remains even today perhaps the most forceful and powerful means of communication. (Consider, for example, the enormously high TV ratings when someone such as Jane Pauley tells a moderator and the world that she suffers from bipolar disorder.) T.E.A.C.H. volunteers chiefly tell their stories and answer the kinds of questions their audience peers have very possibly never even considered previously, such as what must it be like to be forced to live a lie or to cope with extremely sensitive doubts about one’s self worth. Or, how do youths tell parents (if they do) that they are gay? Most of the stories in Hear Me Out are personal narratives the young authors have told verbally again and again in the teams they form to go into the community at large to share their lives in the hope of saving others. One of the emphases of the LGBTQ youth storytelling is also the revelation among the spectators that these youths are more than just gay. Just as the audience members are more than solely Jewish, Muslim, middle class, poor, rich, Black, Asian, Roman Catholic, fat, beautiful, athletic and so on and on, audiences learn for the first time that LGBTQs are equally multidimensional. Gay youth are more like their straight peer audiences than they are different from them. They like the same music groups and hate others. They suffer acne. Some excel in sports; many are honor students. Only one thing truly separates the speakers from their listeners. Sexual orientation is the giant phantom who draws the cruel dividing line on the playground, in the school hallways, and in society. In other words, except for sexual orientation every person in the room is a Canadian youth who wants one thing: a good life.
The virtue of the storytelling for all who listen to these youths is that they now have faces and bodies and stories that confront the abstract and almost always negative misconceptions of their majority culture. This life experience is critical not just for heterosexual youth to discover, but for marginalized homosexual and transsexual youth too. In the first and very powerful story, Amina Jabbar reveals that she had to wait until her second year of college to finally see in the flesh a person like herself, a woman who was South-East Asian, Muslim, and a lesbian. For years she had suffered from words from her father (a doctor) that no one who is Muslim could possibly be gay. Once again, consider both the great courage Ellen Degeneres has demonstrated to the world and the positive value her breath-taking honesty has meant to the LGBTQ community and to a great many straight people as well.
(It is worth noting that in Canada, the collective term for “gay” people is: lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, queer or LGBTQ. One of the many strengths of Hear Me Out is a thorough “Glossary of Terms.” A brief profile of each story teller is also included.)
A second and invaluable goal of the peer program T.E.A.C.H. is that after hearing stories of other youths who have come to terms with their sexual preferences and/or identity and are happy and hopeful for the first time ever in their lives at eighteen or twenty, the macho, letter-jacket jock who secretly carries the unbelievably heavy load of “internalized homophobia,” may stop hating himself and begin the slow but ultimately positive life path of self-acceptance. Hearing stories can be incredibly curative and provoke an earth-shaking personal catharsis. This same “jock” may equally understand that the especially cruel and hurtful homophobic epithets he has used all through grade school and high school toward effeminate boys have been, in truth, his chosen weapons to keep his own sexuality secret from friends he believes would drop him in a minute if they knew he ever shared his experienced homosexual thinking or feeling, let alone behavior. Calling smaller, less athletic youth fags, homos, or queers has allowed this young man years of painful denial rather than facing his own truths.
Hear Me Out is one of the most moving experiences any reader of any gender or sexual orientation today can read. The youths who share their stories are extremely varied. They represent a virtual United Nations of cultures, religions, home and school experiences, economic backgrounds and sexual feelings and identities. No readers who truly believe they are members of the human race in good standing can read Hear Me Out and not be moved. Many of these youth have not just been harassed, they have been tortured like prisoners of war in their own homes and schools. Many are remarkably resilient and brave youths who have been cursed at and disowned by their own parents; even ordered to leave their homes at the age of fourteen. One young woman describes her father not only kicking and knocking her to the floor of her own home and pounding her with his massive fists, but even his attempts to strangle the “lesbianism” from her. Except for neighbors who called the police, she might well be dead today. Other writers have confided in friends only to be instantly answered with the harsh and cruel words, “We cannot be friends any longer.” Other rejections may be more subtle but really are more cowardly such as when life-long friends first say, “Oh, that does not make any difference at all,” but then do not speak or associate with the newly “out” youths for perhaps months or even years, if ever again. T.E.A.C.H. writers have sat in classrooms where teachers have not only ignored homophobic comments and taunts but actually announced to the entire class (all second graders!!) that gays are bad or evil. When gay youths have fought back or gone to counselors and principals who have themselves all too often ignored obvious homophobic slurs on the school grounds and even witnessed physical abuse but have done nothing to stop it, the youth are told nothing can be done, or are even blithely told to change or “fix” themselves, and “not be so obvious.” Some youth, most especially transgendered and transsexuals, have joined gay youth groups seeking acceptance and a sense of belonging only to sadly experience the most odious examples of prejudice from other homosexual youths who declare them freaks who “ruin” the image of more conventional gay and lesbian community.
The maturity of the young writers is truly astounding. One youth, Anthony Collins, states with wisdom far beyond his chronological years, “Much of coming out is about coming into language – identifying ourselves with words and ideas, and choosing which words we use to make ourselves coherent and legible to others. Our stories – and sometimes our memories – are therefore shifting and malleable. We trim and amend them in order to turn messy life experience into meaningful narrative of becoming, but the beginnings and the endings are never fixed.” (pp. 48-49)
Mark Sundal entered a public men’s room while still a very young man, lured there by a far larger and taller adult. The man became brutal and told the young Mark how he was going to disfigure his face with the large and menacing gold ring he wore on one finger of his intimidating fist.
“I was left with a scar. My mark of shame --- what felt like a brand saying “homosexual” burned into my face, glaring red and for all the world to see.” (p. 78) Only just proudly out of the closet shortly before the incident, Mark quickly retreated back in to it with rapidity and absolute fear. Yet he goes on today to speak truths even few adult gay people admit to themselves:
“And so, as I tell yet another tale of violence, homophobia, hate, anguish, pain, anger, struggle, healing, growth and hope, we come full circle: coming out, back in, and coming out…again. I will not pretend that this is a new story. Coming out is not a moment in time, not an event, and definitely not a single story, complete with a tidy beginning and end; coming out is a continuing process, a way of life and an ongoing battle. We are never out. We must always be coming out to ensure that we remain strong and defiant against rings that scar and the people who choose to wield them. (pp. 80-81)
The tragedy of the likely history of Hear Me Out: True Stories of Teens Educating and Confronting Homophobia (in the U.S.A., at least) is that school librarians, counselors, principals, and school boards are either so homophobic or intimidated themselves that they will not even allow youth access to Hear Me Out, a book that EVERY teen should read. Incidentally, it is well worth noting to concerned adults that nothing related to sexual activity is included. T.E.A.C.H. volunteers go through exhaustive training (seven separate workshops) and one condition of participation is that they may not discuss or answer any questions related to sexual activity. Hear Me Out is neither a sex manual nor a recruitment guide for gays to covertly lure straight youths into “Sodom and Gomorrah.” Straight readers who want to know how “two women do it” will have to look elsewhere. It may also be important for prospective readers to know that this is a book of 20 courageous stories. Period. It is not a tract promoting gay marriages or any other social or political cause. It simply pleads that young LGBTQ students be treated with kindness and dignity and protected from hatred and violence.
The incredible courage displayed in the accounts of the twenty young people have earned their place in the sun. The question is how can readers of The Independent Gay Writer help? How can LGBTQ and straight people everywhere provide the recognition this profound book deserves? There are lots of ways. Here are a few.
1. Buy multiple copies of Hear Me Out.
(Only $9.95 US) Preferably, order from its courageous United States
distributor, Orca Book Publishers, Custer, WA www.orcabook.com
(1-800-210-5277). It is also available from Amazon.com and Barnes
& Noble.com.
2. Read the book yourself and spread the word.
3. Take a copy to your local booksellers and tell the managers that unless they order and display this book prominently, you will begin your personal book shopping elsewhere.
4. Use the two minutes most Boards of Education provide for ordinary citizens to speak at school board meetings. Present copies to every board member and contribute an extra copy for the school library and ask that it become required reading for all teachers, counselors, and administrators as well as be made available to all students who desire to read it. End your two minutes with a challenge. Ask each board member to promise to spend an entire day in the halls and classrooms, playing fields, and cafeterias in one of their blue ribbon secondary schools of which they are so proud, and listen to the taunts and observe the abuse LGBTQ students experience daily.
5. Donate copies to the library of the house of worship you attend. The voices of Christian, Muslim, and Jewish youths and those of other faiths are to be found in Hear Me Out.
6. Donate copies to the nearest university College of Education. Ask the Dean to add Hear Me Out as required reading for preservice teachers. Some of the most homophobic adults in schools today are student teachers!
7. Give copies to all the youth in your extended family regardless of their known or suspected sexual orientation. Inscribe the books with words like these:
9. Nominate Hear Me Out for every conceivable book and media award for which it might be an entrant.
10. Ask the local newspaper, most especially if it has a teen section, to review Hear Me Out.
11. Come up with 10 more ideas among friends for sharing Hear Me Out in your community.
2. Read the book yourself and spread the word.
3. Take a copy to your local booksellers and tell the managers that unless they order and display this book prominently, you will begin your personal book shopping elsewhere.
4. Use the two minutes most Boards of Education provide for ordinary citizens to speak at school board meetings. Present copies to every board member and contribute an extra copy for the school library and ask that it become required reading for all teachers, counselors, and administrators as well as be made available to all students who desire to read it. End your two minutes with a challenge. Ask each board member to promise to spend an entire day in the halls and classrooms, playing fields, and cafeterias in one of their blue ribbon secondary schools of which they are so proud, and listen to the taunts and observe the abuse LGBTQ students experience daily.
5. Donate copies to the library of the house of worship you attend. The voices of Christian, Muslim, and Jewish youths and those of other faiths are to be found in Hear Me Out.
6. Donate copies to the nearest university College of Education. Ask the Dean to add Hear Me Out as required reading for preservice teachers. Some of the most homophobic adults in schools today are student teachers!
7. Give copies to all the youth in your extended family regardless of their known or suspected sexual orientation. Inscribe the books with words like these:
• “No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.” Aesop
• “I pray that you will always be caring and compassionate and a friend to every one of God’s children.”
• “No one deserves abuse.”
• Or, perhaps even more personally, “Remember, you are always loved and you are never, ever alone.”
8. Donate copies to the local branch of PFLAG and request that they make Hear Me Out a group reading selection as well as consider beginning a T.E.A.C.H. peer group in the community.• “I pray that you will always be caring and compassionate and a friend to every one of God’s children.”
• “No one deserves abuse.”
• Or, perhaps even more personally, “Remember, you are always loved and you are never, ever alone.”
9. Nominate Hear Me Out for every conceivable book and media award for which it might be an entrant.
10. Ask the local newspaper, most especially if it has a teen section, to review Hear Me Out.
11. Come up with 10 more ideas among friends for sharing Hear Me Out in your community.
In a forward to an Amnesty International UK book, Sex, Love, and Homophobia, Nobel Peace Prize Laureate Bishop Desmond Tutu of South Africa made this statement.
“A parent who brings up a
child to be a racist damages that child, damages the community in which
they live, damages our hopes for a better world. A parent who teaches a
child that there is only one sexual orientation and that anything else
is evil denies our humanity and their own too.”
Tragically, the damage of which the Bishop speaks goes beyond a bigoted second grade teacher’s comments and the cruelty of hateful peers or parents.
One thing that finally stands out about Hear Me Out is the SILENCE, the absences of voices. Where are the voices of the children of God who could not take one more horrible day at school bullying, one more lost friend, one more stinging remark or beating from a parent and decided that they did not deserve a life in this world so they took their own?
Who can tell their stories? Why should a gifted high school athlete use a shotgun to blow off his head because he recognizes he likes young men better than young women? Why should a young woman who knows she was born with the genitals of a woman, but is without a doubt a man inside of her body have to end her life to find peace, or worse, be raped and beaten to death by a homophobic mob? What insightful stories might Matthew Shepard have told his college classmates had the University of Wyoming had the guts and decency to have its own T.E.A.C.H. volunteer program before he was beaten and crucified upon a split rail fence outside Laramie and left to die?
Read the stories of the twenty youths in Hear Me Out. Listen to their stories. Let them ring like a liberty bell and echo in your mind. They have so much to say.
—Jerry Flack, Denver, Colorado